母語到底是什麼？

Written by Jasmine Chen and En Lai Mah
Translated by Iris Chang

Photography by Dahlia Katz

The Mother Tongue Project was created in 2016 as a multidisciplinary theatre piece based on interviews with actors En Lai Mah’s and Jasmine Chen’s parents. The phrase mother tongue usually refers to a person’s native language, or what is spoken from early childhood. Mah and Chen decided to delve into this notion of a “home” language; a language that connects someone to their legacy, but not necessarily linguistic. For Mah, it was the passing on of kungfu martial arts from his father. For Chen, it was relearning Mandarin songs her grandmother had once taught her. Through interviewing their parents, they gained clarity of their roots and unlocked doors that they did not realized existed. They witnessed the truth of “you will never know unless you ask,” hoping to inspire others to speak to their elders. 

在2016年，En Lai Mah 跟 Jasmine Chen 開始了《母語專案》，藉由與他們父母的訪談組成，以跨媒體的小劇場方式呈現。母語通常是用來指一個人的原生語言，或者指一個人在幼兒時期所說的語言。他們決定去深掘與探討“家庭語言”這個概念，一種把人連接到傳統的方式，但又不一定跟語言有關。對於 En Lai 而言，連接他與傳統的是“功夫”─ 一個為其父親生活支柱的武藝。對於 Jasmine 來說，她的故事的開端是來自奶奶唱給她聽的兒歌。他們所學到的重要一課是“不恥下問”。隨著這個《母語專案》他們希望能啟發更多的人能夠跟長輩多溝通。

“So much of our families’ histories were buried, hidden in silence, often as a way to protect us. It’s no secret that in Chinese culture, when bad things happen, we don’t talk about it. But with this silence, comes unspoken trauma that gets passed down from parent to child. We wanted to break that cycle and establish a new legacy. In our interviews, our parents opened up to us in a way that we never anticipated. In fact, they too were surprised to be sharing their personal experiences with us. Their triumphs and losses were then witnessed and documented by their children, and the result was truly transformative.”

“許多的以前家庭歷史被掩蓋著。普遍都是因為老一輩的想要保護著下一代。在中國文化中，當壞事發生時我們避而不談其實是挺常見的。但這些沉默所造成的創傷就這樣在家庭裏默默的代代相傳下去。我們則想破除這樣的循環，給下一代新的傳承。在我們與雙親的訪談過程中，他們開放的態度也是我們意料之外的。他們對我們很坦然，而且非常願意與我們分享個人經歷。他們過去所經歷的生活的高低就這麼的坦蕩蕩地揭開在子女面前，讓子女們將其記錄下。探知的結果有其實在的影響力。”

En Lai shares that his mixed ethnicity and difference in generation and place of birth contrasted his father’s. In process of interviewing his father, he landed on the question: “Dad, why don’t I speak Chinese?” His father replied that it wasn’t something he felt he needed to teach – if En Lai wanted to learn, he would do so himself. But martial arts was an essential part of the Chinese heritage that needed to be passed on. En Lai shares: “In our explorations into our families, lineage, and cultural inheritance – Jasmine and I seem to come back to the concept that we as individuals get to choose what about us is Chinese; as our parents did before us. I think some aspects run deep in the blood, but as members of the Chinese diaspora, we must define for ourselves who we are here and now. When I’m practicing kungfu I don’t consciously feel more Chinese, I just feel more like myself.”

En Lai 分享他自己混血兒的身分、出生地點、成長環境都跟爸爸不同，所以他覺得他們的距離挺遠的。當他坐下與父親促膝長談時，他提出了「爸爸，為什麼我不會說中文？」這個問題。他爸爸回答說他並不認為他必須要求我去學中文，如果兒子有興趣、有想學的慾望，就自然會找到學習的方法。反觀武術，他認為這是對 En Lai 而言很重要的文化遺產，因此他必須教導他兒子。En Lai 繼續說：“在我們探尋家族歷史的過程中，Jasmine 和我總結出一個想法。那就是我們每個個體都有選擇自己身上哪些是中國文化的想法，就如同我們的父母有其不同的看法一樣。我相信某些文化是深藏在我們的血脈中的，然而身為海外華僑的一員，我們必須訂定我們的自我認同。當我打拳時，我並不特別的感到我更接近中華文化，我只是感覺更貼近我自己。”

Jasmine describes her relationship to the Chinese language as one that was strained. She went to Saturday Chinese School like other Canadian-born Chinese children and hated it. There was no room for passion or imagination. Her parents then hired a private tutor, but was unsuccessful. She shares: “I’m grateful to my parents for trying so hard, but with no other Chinese kids at school to practice with, I soon forgot everything I learned.” Thankful that her Mandarin was fluent enough to have had a beautiful relationship with her grandparents, she wishes that she could have learned more about their lives. “What happened in 1949 that made them flee to Taiwan? How did my grandmother feel knowing that she would never see her father again?” Now, she is committed to relearning the language through her mother. “Creating The Mother Tongue Project has taught me this — time is limited — don’t wait to learn and don’t wait to ask. Whatever your language is, spoken or unspoken, it can bring you closer to who you are.”

Jasmine 學習中文的路程一點也不容易。就如同其他的加拿大華裔兒童一樣，她也被送上了中文學校，但是她很痛恨它。中文學校最重視的莫過於紀律 ─ 在那裏熱誠與想像力是不存在的。她爸媽的下一個策略則是請了家教，不過沒有效果。她說道：“我很感謝我爸媽願意為我嘗試那麼多不同的方式來督促我學習中文。然而由於在學校裡，我沒有任何可以跟我練習的朋友，所以很快就將所學的拋諸腦後。”幸虧 Jasmine 的中文的程度能讓她跟祖父母們有交流的機會。她唯一的遺憾則是在我還能了解他們更多的時候沒能探問更多他們的故事。在1949年是什麼讓他們決定逃離去台灣？奶奶當初是帶著什麼樣的心情離開自己的父親呢？而現在 Jasmine 下定決心，重新拾起這個當初如同僅是例行公務的語言。“在探討母語專案的經歷我們深刻的體驗到，時光有限，學習是不能等待的，有疑問，就要行動，立刻去找出答案。不論你會說或著不會說自己的母語，它都能引領你找到更深層的自己。”

Jasmine Chen is a proud Chinese-Canadian woman whose lifelong study of theatre and performance has been the foundation of her artistic work. Her passion for social justice, history and human psychology can be found in her work on and off stage. Jasmine is an arts educator, but also an eternal student; her belief in continued training allows her to evolve as a cultural contributor. An avid traveller, foodie and nature lover — Jasmine lives a nomadic life, but she will always call Toronto home. 

En Lai Mah is a mixed Chinese Canadian theatre performer/creator, martial artist, and a joyfully physical mover/dancer through life. He is a self proclaimed "coffee shop anthropologist" and seeker of unique human stories. En Lai is fascinated by the inner workings of the internal landscape of the human mind – with all its inhabitants, both flora and fauna. He believes that a healthy society should shine a light on the complexities of its own bias. He has a deep fondness for environmental conservation and basketball.