English 英: Deirdre Kelly Chinese 中: 曹逸雲 Fiona Cho

AS Featured in Fête Chinoise Edition 8: Into the Unknown  未知 · 未來

VENUE: 550 Studios PHOTOGRAPHY: Lucia Graca Remedios ART DIRECTION: Deborah Lau-Yu COORDINATION: Cole Ferguson, Rhonda Lam FASHION DIRECTION & STYLING: Katie Tobin MAKEUP: Grace Lee at Cadre Artist Management HAIR: Ian Russell at Cadre Artist Management ATTIRE: Balenciaga, Compania Fantastica, Dries Van Noten, Greta Constantine, L'Agence, Zara ACCESSORIES: H&M FOOTWEAR: Louis Vuitton, Versace, Victoria Beckham

By sheer force of will (in addition to feng-shui and Chinese astrology as guides for navigating the unknown), Judy — to call her by her English name — has overcome setbacks before, including other life-altering illnesses. Can she claw her way out of this one? Lainey is characteristically blunt when answering the question. “My mother’s as fierce as ever,” says the Toronto-born multimedia celebrity during a Zoom call where she vapes in between serving up juicy nuggets of her personal life, “but her health is definitely deteriorating. She’s angrier and moodier than before. But that’s all part of the story.” 

雷若芬（Elaine “Lainey”），加拿大華裔才女、電視名人、資深主播及熱捧網站Lainey Gossip創辦人，單是Instagram帳戶的追隨人數也超過十萬。Lainey著有《Listen to the Squawking Chicken: When Mother Knows Best, What's a Daughter to Do?（聽雞叫嚷：當媽媽知道什麼是最好的，女兒該怎麼辦？）》一書，講述她和媽媽楊桂芳(Judy)的兩代關係，及自己在加國成長時期，面對華裔傳統文化習俗和父母的教育，所帶來種種的笑與淚。

美麗、率性、健談、觸覺敏銳的Lainey，原來遺傳了媽媽Judy很多優良傳統。在Lainey的眼中，媽媽是一個非常嚴謹，黑白分明的人。自幼教導Lainey中國傳統文化，例如孝道、風水、曆法、十二生肖運程等等。由於爸爸媽媽都是香港的移民，因此少不了接觸一些香港獨有的文化，好像打麻雀、飲茶食點心等。Lainey在她的著作和社交媒體也有分享這些華人文化，亦常常分享與媽媽在中西文化上的差異和意見。

Some of that story has been told before – in Lainey’s best-selling 2014 memoir, Listen to the Squawking Chicken, for instance. The title, for those who don’t already know, refers directly to her mother, a native of Yuen Long, a town on the western side of Hong Kong, who came by her nickname following a teenage rape and an attempt to silence her outrage in the brutal aftermath. With unflinching honesty, Lainey’s book details her mother’s resilience and sometimes questionable survival tactics to establish, without a doubt, what a tough cookie she truly is.

竹昇女兒學廣東話的妙法

Lainey的廣東話非常流利，沒有一般「竹昇」口音。年幼時，媽媽Judy堅持Lainey在家一定要講中文，認為多學一種語言對女兒只會有好處。Judy憶述在Lainey兩三歲時，有一次上廁所沒有廁紙，女兒用英文大叫：「Ma, run out of toilet paper!（媽，沒有廁紙了！）」Judy並沒有理睬，直至五分鐘後，Lainey勉強吐出：「廁紙走了。」Judy才笑着拿廁紙給她。自此之後，Lainey明白到在家裡一定要講中文才可以得到她所需要的東西；而Lainey亦曾幾度回港放暑假兼探親，她喜愛追看電視劇，因此也學懂不少純正廣東話及香港人文化。Judy強調教導孩子，需要言行身教。因此當Lainey年幼時，便經常帶她去不同的活動場合，一則讓她開闊視野；另外，當遇見有甚麼值得她學習的事情，可以直接指導。

然而，率直的Lainey卻坦然對媽媽又愛又恨。她表示媽媽的管教非常苛刻，看見她的錯誤就會立時糾正，尤其是小孩子說謊話，是項非常嚴重的罪行。「但當媽媽自己做錯，卻從不會道歉。只會第二天告訴我『煲了湯給你喝。』了事。」其實這種湯水和解法，也是華人父母經常使用的方法之一。

The first born child of parents who gambled and drank and accrued gangland debts, Judy never had it easy growing up. Still, she’s never allowed herself to be a victim of circumstance. Whenever her own mother and father were in a bad way, she bailed them out, time and time again, despite them being neglectful – and quite frankly unconcerned – about her welfare. She negotiated with the Triad on their behalf; she paid their dues and kept them and their illegal mah-jong den going until it was time to bury all in strict accordance with ancient Chinese customs. It wasn’t just the right, or decent, thing to do. It was the way Judy, who immigrated to Canada with husband Bernard Lui in 1972, a year before Lainey was born, signaled to the world that she would always come out on top. 

“Ma,” writes Lainey with equal parts sass and admiration, “was so gangster. But a gangster with nothing to hide, no secrets. Instead, her secrets, even though some of them were terrible, became her truths, because she was the first to squawk them out before anyone else, owning them before they could own her. In doing so, she taught me that if you can tell the story of the worst thing that has ever happened to you, you’ll never be silenced.”

漂亮媽媽戰勝病魔的秘訣

這天早上兩母女來到攝影室為Fête Chinoise進行拍攝工作。纖瘦的Lainey對時裝一向有獨特的品味，不愛跟潮流，她的作風是寧願被批評、被討厭，也不願顯得平凡和沉悶。而身材高䠷的Judy五官輪廓分明，一頭短髮非常清爽帥氣，雖已年屆72歲，仍然風韻猶存。Judy更深諳穿衣之道，為了拍照工作更臻完美，特意帶來幾副時尚眼鏡，還有不同款式的帽子作配襯。看着母女倆人談論和挑選衣服和配襯，及拍攝時的眼神交流，一致的笑容，身體的語言，都反映着她們親密的關係。

趁着空檔，與Judy談及為什麼她願意在Lainey的社交媒體上，展露化療前在醫院剃頭髮的影片，始終中國人通常都比較內斂，不肯展露自己不漂亮和軟弱的一面，對此Judy選擇一反傳統，她表示必須要展現她的活力和內裏的生命鬥志給周遭的人看。她悄悄說：「這是個秘訣：努力保持外觀漂亮整潔，是要告訴醫護人員，我非常積極想醫好這個病，也請他們盡力照顧和醫治我。」

Judy是一位生命鬥士，患有不同病症超過廿年。她曾經做過腎臟移植，十二年前更患上一種全世界只有233個病例的特殊病症。Judy娓娓道出當年發現病症的經過：「我發現身體一直消瘦，平均每月清減二至三磅，卻沒有其他異常，直至瘦了三十磅，大家都覺得很不尋常。儘管醫生進行過不同檢查，也找不出原因。我也曾回香港的私立醫院求醫，也查不出所以然來。但卻出現多次腳軟，外出跌倒的情況。」

In Chinese culture, illness is oftentimes a secret, the thing not readily shared with others. The emphasis is on longevity and immortality, not death, and so the tendency is to keep frailties of the flesh hidden from view. It’s unknown territory, a forbidden zone. But Lainey and her mother are willing to journey into it, both openly discussing the disease that is affecting them with no holds barred. It’s not the usual Chinese way, making it a relatively new space for open conversations about parental decline and filial obligation in the Chinese immigrant community.

To many in that community, Lainey’s already a trailblazer, being the first Chinese-Canadian co-host of The Social (now in its 10th season), and the first Asian senior correspondent of Etalk, both on the CTV network. She’s also the founder and editor of LaineyGossip.com, which has millions of followers around the world, making her one of the world’s most influential people working in celebrity gossip today. As a pioneer in her field, Lainey leads by example, refusing, like her mother, to be silent and overlooked. Take her style of dress for instance – rhinestones on denim, lace on wool, stripes on knee socks. “Some have called my style juvenile,” she jokes as she jumps up to fluff the flounces on the floral dress she has worn for the virtual interview. “I am a 48-year-old who dresses like an eight-year-old!” But all kidding aside, her look is not childish but bold and confident, reflecting the self-assurance of a woman who dares to be different. “I don’t like wearing anything safe,” Lainey says, explaining her brazen fashion choices, “and I don’t like to look like anyone else. I don’t want to be boring.” Like mother, like daughter.

Even as she is dancing with death while wearing an auxiliary bracket on her legs with a head shaved bald in anticipation of the ravages wrought by chemotherapy — Judy, too, courts a distinct style. Her nails are red, her brows are arched, and her clothes, reflecting a zest for life, are bright and sparkly. As she says through her daughter, having “a tidy and beautiful” appearance is how she hopes to get all the doctors and nurses to notice her, not for the fashion plate she once was, but for the fighter she still is. “I want them to do all they can to make me live,” she says. A Chinese warrior deserves no less.

當年Judy的情況每況愈下，體重只剩下七十磅，而且全身不能動彈，只有頭部還可以郁動，同時皮膚已轉為暗黑色，處於生死邊緣。當時瑪嘉烈公主癌症中心（Princess Margaret Cancer Centre）召集了二十位專科醫生向她問症，她一見到醫生，就立刻叫道：「Please help me. I don’t want to die.（請救救我，我不想死！） 」然而，群醫還是束手無策，診斷不出病因。最後，一位放射治療師在她頸後發現了一粒如綠豆般大小的肉瘤，經過化驗後證實是癌細胞，並且是血癌中最罕見的骨癌。膊頭骨上穿了兩個小洞，於是醫院馬上為她進行化療以及幹細胞移植。性格堅強的Judy勇敢地面對病症，更將化療次數倍增，務求把癌細胞消滅。

單是聽Judy講述，已感到她當時內心的震悸和無助。當年已移居溫哥華工作的Lainey非常擔心媽媽的情況，儘管工作日程非常繁忙，也一定抽時間打電話問候媽媽，聽她訴苦，安慰和鼓勵她。並且，一有時間就飛來多倫多探望父母。「聽到Lainey說如果公司不讓她請假來陪我醫病，就乾脆辭職。雖然是賭氣說話，我沒說什麼，但真的很窩心。」Judy微笑着說。

這次的治療非常成功，醫生表示是奇蹟，全部癌細胞不見了。由於曾經全身癱瘓，所以Judy康復後需要進行復康治療。鬥志高昂的她，非常努力積極做運動。除了腳掌需要靠一個特製支架輔助站立外，再加上枴杖或助行器輔助，已經可以自由行動。

But as much as they are alike, Judy and Lainey are also quite different. Boiled down to basics, mom is the sergeant major, daughter the foot soldier enlisted to carry out her commands. No ifs, ands or buts. Miscommunication can and does occur, with skirmishes breaking out between the generations, despite both fighting for the same (mother-centric) cause. 

From Lainey’s point of view, it’s a personality clash. Her mother is unapologetically self-absorbed, always the star of the show. She’s also super opinionated, never wrong and squawking chicken shrill. Illness hasn’t weakened those character traits. It’s made them even more pronounced. “She has entrenched beliefs,” Lainey says, not even trying to hide her frustration, “and they aren’t my beliefs and it’s too late to change her. I love her and I don’t always like her.” So, yes, it’s a difficult situation. But that’s their relationship. Intense. Complex. Profound. A love like no other.

Lainey has no problem talking about it. In fact, she insists on talking about it, her disclosures of intimate familial information serving as a contemporary twist on the age-old Chinese practice of honouring parents and ancestors. Speaking as both an obedient and unconventional Chinese daughter, Lainey says that she wants to preserve her mother’s fighting spirit the best way she knows how — by telling true tales. “In this way,” she explains, “I plan to make her immortal. I watch a lot of reenactments of Chinese mythology, and I can tell you that we are obsessed with immortality, and so this something here  — talking about my mother like this  — is how to achieve immortality for her. She’s a larger-than-life person. To me, it’s only fitting that she lives on forever.”

信念駕馭無盡未知

隨今年癌症復發，Judy又要進行一連串的治療。五月份進行了第二次的幹細胞移植，她表示手術過後，身上的膠原蛋白的指數跌至接近零，以致關節不適。醫生表示Judy現在就像一個嬰孩一樣，需要靠自己的身體去治癒。對於長期受病魔折磨的媽媽，Lainey深感憂慮和痛心。因為媽媽好像逐漸失去信心，脾氣反覆，對身邊人變得多疑，令Lainey有時不知道該如何與媽媽相處。但相信她們母女之間那份抹不掉的愛和關懷，將牢牢地把她們連繫着。

「到什麼階段，就做那階段該做的東西吧。要面對現實，有自信地駕馭各種情況。」Judy說。雖然面對不可知的未來，然而仍然勇敢堅定，接受各種治療，繼續保持美麗。而家人的鼓勵和支持，無疑是另一種良藥。是誰掌管明天？人類一步步走來，在這科技發展迅速，醫學體系全球化的時代，靠着已知的事物把未知慢慢變成了已知，讓我們勇敢探索這不可預知的未來。

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